Fear For Trust

If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied. 1st Corinthians 15:19


This was the verse I read in my bible study the day before we flew to Hawaii. Here is the thing, I am deathly afraid of flying and am convinced every time that it’s our plane that’s going down. This all started after having kids, experiencing a horrific flight, crawling through postpartum depression, and PTSD after the birth of our twins. I have worked through a lot of that over the past couple of years but I  struggle daily with fear. 


As I read this verse it was like it was pressed firmly against my chest, causing me to read it over and over again. You see this verse hit me because it reminded me of all that I believe in; that when I fear death, I am living for this life alone; and that I was allowing myself to be consumed with fear over the upcoming flight.  


The night before we flew, God whispered into my heart: “I will deliver you.” Of course my immediate thought was, “Yes, please deliver my feet back onto the ground safely.” Ha ha... I thought and mediated on those four simple words over and over all the way to the airport. 


You may not struggle with fear the same way that I do but there will be a time in your life that you will experience it. 


When we were about an hour from landing, our plane had an unexplainable peace throughout it, so I bravely opened the little window and peered out over the ocean. It was sprinkled with the most gorgeous kind of clouds, echoed by a blazing sunset. My eyes filled with tears. The lord began to ask me if I trusted him when the plane was calm and steady, if I trusted him when there was turbulence, and would I trust him if it crashed into the ocean. I realized in that moment that trust happens before the deliverance. That trust was thanking him for delivering me in the air not on the ground.  I began to thank him right there and my fear began to fade away. I realized that no matter what happened, that I have the choice to trust him with everything. 



Do we trust him when we are in a season of goodness, joy and peace? Can we trust him when the turbulence begins and we get the diagnosis that we never thought would happen to us? And if death is the outcome, will we still trust him? You see, the airplane has a weird way of really showing you that you are not in control and it reveals the condition of your heart. 


I don’t believe that fear is from God but I do believe that our fears can bring us closer to Jesus and if we learn to trust him, we will have a deeper sense of who he is. We can begin to experience the freedom of enjoying the life he has given us. When we were in Hawaii, Justin encouraged me to try some things that normally scare the heck out of me. I wanted to experience these with him so I bravely said yes. As we snorkeled through one of the most beautiful reefs in the world, I began to thank God again. 



When we were on our way home, flying from Seattle to Portland in one of the little planes, it was cloudy, which was causing a lot of turbulence. As I looked out the window and searched desperately for the lights of the city, I realized that every time I lost sight of the city through the clouds and it was bumpy I was afraid, but when I could see the lights of the city and it was smooth I had peace. In the turbulence and the fog, we can’t always see the city but we have to trust that its there. 



The Bible says in John 3:16 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.


And in 1st Corinthinans 15:55 it says Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting.